I recently had the opportunity to attend an impressive bank CEO and bank investor conference.

An old friend of mine puts it on every year, and I am always excited to be there.

Over the years, I’ve been able to meet and chat with some of the most remarkable bank leaders in America.

Many run the largest banking organizations in the country, and I’m always reminded that you don’t get to rise to that level by chance.

And while all have unique personalities, I have found that they share common traits.

They are informed and in touch with their businesses.

They are not in ivory towers.

They answer detailed questions about their businesses with a command of the facts that suggests they’ve avoided the leadership bubbles that can form around executives.

These are not figureheads.

These leaders are also great communicators.

They tell stories and explain things in ways that are both educational and compelling.

And the best are equally adept at asking good questions.

Whether asking a speaker on stage a question or chatting with someone in the hallway, they are curious.

To a person, they share credit and praise their teams.

I’ve noticed that if one of them says “I,” it is usually when talking about something that didn’t go according to plan.

As corny as it sounds, they take responsibility for things that go wrong and give credit to their teams for the things that go right.

But there is another trait that is my favorite. These folks have senses of humor, and almost all are self-effacing to a fault.

I don’t know that I’ve ever laughed more over two days at a “bank event.”

I was reminded of how many times I’ve suggested to leaders that you can tell a lot about how confident and competent someone is by their ability to laugh at themselves.

Beyond that, insecure people seem to have a hard time simply being nice.

People who are comfortable with themselves don’t feel the need to prove they’re more important than everyone else.

Yes, being smart and informed is important.

But those are practically table stakes.

Being gracious with praise, having a sense of humor, being curious, and…well…being nice are often what make people want to follow a leader in the first place.

Will your words and actions today make your team glad to follow you?

A friend of mine runs one of those banks that others use as a benchmark for excellence.

Year after year, the organization ranks at or near the top in virtually every category that matters.

Best place to work? Check. Exceptional customer loyalty and Net Promoter Scores? Check.

Outstanding corporate citizen? Check.

The bank also consistently ranks among the strongest financial performers in its peer group.

Recently, he said something that had me reaching for a pen to scribble it down.

We were discussing the importance of defining, building, and protecting a company's culture when he drew a comparison to computer software.

He said, “Your culture is the operating system of your organization. It will decide what you are going to do and how you are going to behave.”

That struck a nerve with me because I've occasionally encountered leaders at various levels of organizations who treat “culture” as something vague and difficult (or even unnecessary) to define.

We have rules and goals and standard operating procedures. That's our culture.

Sure, those are important.

Every successful organization needs them. But they aren't culture.

Rules tell people what they are supposed to do. Procedures tell them how to do it.

Goals tell them what they are trying to accomplish.

Culture shapes what people actually do, particularly when the rules don't provide a clear answer, when priorities collide, or when no one is watching.

One of the ways I've described culture over the years is this: Your culture is what your people are doing when you're not telling them what to do.

My friend's analogy suggests that rules and procedures are like the applications running on a computer.

Culture is the operating system underneath them, influencing how everything works together.

It's how we talk to each other. It's the patience we show when things get difficult.

It's how we handle mistakes and disagreements.

It's the example leaders set and the respect we show our coworkers and customers alike.

Your culture isn't a set of rules. It's a shared understanding of how we behave.

Whether you lead a team of 3 or 3,000, the culture you define, build, and protect ultimately drives your results.